“She never listens to me.”

“I should have gone to the gym today.”

“My kids are little brats.”

“They must think I’m incompetent.”

Have you ever found your mind flirting with thoughts like these? Something happens and, like clockwork, they surface unbidden. They’re automatic, persistent and generally unhelpful. With all their clamouring, they steal our joy.

Unhelpful thoughts take different forms including:

• Overgeneralizing
• Drawing conclusions about what others are thinking or feeling
• Focusing narrowly on the negative
• Seeing or expecting the worst
• Applying labels to one’s self or others
• Setting reasonable expectations for one’s self or others
• Assuming the blame for things that go wrong
• Thinking in absolutes or extremes
• Viewing situations through emotional lenses
• Downplaying positive personal attributes

These thoughts are referred to as automatic negative thoughts or ANTs, for short, a phrase coined by physician and author, Dr. Daniel Amen. Every summer, I face the battle of the ants in my kitchen. I don’t know where they come from but the weather warms up and they appear. To combat them, I go on high alert, keeping the floor free of crumbs or anything else that may invite them in. When I think of my issue with ants, it’s easy to see the association between unhelpful thinking patterns and ants.

A little while ago, I participated in an introductory course on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and ANTs were on the agenda. It was comforting to learn that that we all get assailed by ANTs from time to time and even more comforting to learn that we can take control of them and move towards more balanced thinking. The difference maker, when it comes to the impact that ANTs have on individuals, is in how they respond to the ANTs. As with much else in life, awareness is key to developing a proper response to ANTs and reducing their ability to undermine your well-being.

The four steps identified below – the 4Cs – can help you bring ANTs under control and replace them with more balanced thinking.

• Connect:

Take a hold of the ANT as soon as it surfaces and recognize it for what it is. You can’t change what you don’t see or acknowledge. For example, “She never listens to me” is a broad statement that appears to be an over generalization.

• Check:

Examine the evidence for and against the ANT. Consider the facts that would support the ANT and the facts that would work against it.

• Challenge:

Become a thought advocate and put the ANT on trial. Dispute the facts presented by asking, what actually happened, what other explanations could exist for what happened, does this always happen?

• Change:

Take an objective view of the situation and consider alternative views or ways of looking at the situation. With our listening example, ask, what could be another reason she didn’t listen to me?

Take control of ANTs because, just like the creatures that they’re named for, they creep in and cause havoc in the lives of the ones in whose heads they’re allowed to run amuck.

Negative thinking leads to negative emotions which in turn lead to negative behaviours or actions. In the same vein, balanced thinking leads to balanced emotions which in turn leads to balanced behaviours or actions.

As he thinks, so he is; as he continues to think, so he remains.

James Allen

What forms of unhelpful negative thoughts do you recognize in your life?